


shattered lives

by patiencedaroga



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Betrayal, Dysfunctional Family, Friendship, Gay Male Character, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Other, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-25 19:59:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3822916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patiencedaroga/pseuds/patiencedaroga





	1. fall to peices

Its the nights like this. When all that is around you is chaos, the psychos down the halls won't stop their pathetic cries and the voices in your head won't leave you alone. It's as though everything you attempt just encurages them to continue to make your life an even bigger hell than it already is. No amount of screaming can dephen them and no amount of fighting will run them off.  Your only option left is to cover up the crazy as best you can...in a psychiatric ward that is.

 ************

 

  
   
I sat staring through the window. It was raining and I loved watching the rain drops run down the glass. There was something about how the raindrops seemed to race one another to the bottom, a continues battle to survive. I could only think of how much stronger they were than me. They could still fight. I couldn't. It had become hard for me to get around, I hadn't eaten in days and I hadn't sleep either. My stomach constantly howled at me. I just ran my fingers over my boney body, reminding myself how hard I had fought to get where I was and I couldn't stop now. But I couldn't go on either, not like this.It had been on my mind for days. It was all planed out. Then the rain came and I got distracted, I only had ten minutes to do what I needed to do or I didn't know when I'd get another chance.  
   
Peace was all I wanted, it was all I ever wanted. Even in this I wanted it so bad. My last breaths needed to be taken alone. The voices would stop as I got weaker and weaker, then I would have the bliss second of peace before my heart just stopped. It was going to be beautiful, a beautiful tragidy. I didn't want anyone to suffer my pain any longer and I didn't want to cope with the fear anymore.  
   
I picked the knife up from the sink. Looking in the mirror I examend myself, my blonde hair still wavey and full, my black jeans tight against my legs, and my "born to be free" t-shirt. I looked better today than I had in weeks. I took a deep breath and moved the blade to my wrist with the mess of other scares I had made over the years. I took one last long look in the mirror, examening the reflection of the window as the raindrops made their final commute to the bottom.  
   
It was time, I told myself.  
   
I started at the start of my wrist. going in as far as I possibly could, somehow ignoring the pain as I drug it up to the tip of my elbow. The blood raced down and into the sink. I managed and did the same to my other arm. It wasnt long before my legs started to give out and I fell to the floor, I was covered in my own blood, but it didn't matter. The voices were fading away, their cheers fading away into the background and the silence I had been begging for was starting to reveal itself.  
   
I could feel my breaths shortening .....my eyes shut....I was so close.  
   
"OH MY GOD! SCARLET!" was all I heard as my mom entered the room before I passed out.


	2. wake up

When I fannaly came to I found myself strapped to a hostpitle bed. My arms itched. I wanted to scratch them so bad, but the restraints that had been placed on me prevented that. I looked around my room, no one was there. Even after a suicide attempt they leave me to myself. 

 

        Its like they wanted me to have died or something.

 

         "Mom?" I moaned, not realizing just how much it was going to hurt. "Dad?....anybody?"

 

         Finnaly a nurse stopped in. She was short and old, maybe fifty. She didn't seem to like me much, looked me over like some sick as sick sonofabitch good for nothing who just happened to be in her days routine. I asked her if she could loosen my restraints, she gave me a wierd look instead. I just slumped back down into my pillow and rolled my eyes.

 

         " well can you get my parents at least?" Without so much as a word she left my room.

 

        My parents came in not long after that, accompinied by a man in a cheap black suit. I could tell right away that I was introuble, it didn't take much to see that on my moms face. My dad however still managed to come off a concerned and compassionate expression as he huged me tight to his chest. I felt crushed by the power, but overjoyed by the action. He was the last one I wanted to hurt.

 

They took a seat in the chairs across the room, staring at me. Needless to say I felt like a rat in an obstical coarse.

 

        " What now?" I said, breaking the silence.

 

         " Who the hell is he? And what does he want?"

 

        My mom spoke first, " You'll call him Doctor Shepard. He's going to be the one helping to place you when we leave."

 

        "First off, no. When I leave here there are no more doctors, and I definitely ain't goin' anywhere but home. Now can somebody please get these damn restraints off? I feel like a fuckin' animal." I replied.

 

        "watch your mouth!" She yelled. "And you will do what ever WE think is best for you! You don't just try an kill youself end up in ocoma for a week and expect to just walk away like oily t never happened. No ma'am I don't think so."

 

   

 

        The docter spoke then, "Scarlet i'm here to help, we all th-"

 

         "Did I ask you to fucking speak?!" I screamed at him, jerking myself upright as much as possible.

 

        Just then I felt the sting of my moms hand hitting my face, "Thats enough! You're going!" She stormed out of the room.

 

        "You better plan on a funeral for real this time! Thats the only i'll ever come out again!" I yelled after her.

 

  

 

        My dad glanced between me and her before getting up and exiting the room as well, the docter following closely behind him. I knew he wanted what was best for me and what ever was going to keep me safe. I also knew he was to scared of my mom to stop her from doing anything. It was her way or no way.

 

 

        I remained at the hostpitle for another two weeks. They did psych evaluations on me everyday and ran test all the time. I'm not exactly sure what it was they were testing, last i checked suicide isn't a testable thing. My mom never came back to see me while i was there, she was still ashamed of me. I was the freak that everyone was talking about and she knew it. My dad on the other had did come to visit me, an hour a day if he could manage. We just talked, like we always had. Nothing of the incedent ever came up in the conversations we had, i could be normal. Even though i did have a feeding tube through my nose and my arms were wrapped up like a mummy, and yet he talked to me about the normal things in life, even joking.

 

        My visiting hours were cut incrediably, unless they were family they were not aloud to see me except for on Fridays. I didn't really notice, i never had many friends anyhow. Thats not to say that i didn't get visitors, i did. People i didn't even know came to see me, they told me i knew them, swaring up and down i sat right infront of them in this or that class. I guess when you become a suicide victim people want to know you. And yes technically i am a victim of suicide, flatlining for two minutes when the medics got to my house.

 

         I was also inable to take a shower for the first week of my stay. I had to wait for my stitches to be removed and everything to close up. They also didn't trust me to be without restraints unless someone was basically holding my damn hand. It was impossiable to do anything, i refused to eat on my own which is why they put the tube down my nose and throat. Needless to say, i looked awful that whole first week of my stay. My skin had lost all color and my hair was stringy and greasy. I tried to sleep off most of the week, until it started to rain. I just couldn't help myself. I stayed up all night and so did the rain, my best friend the rain. It has always been a playmate for me, running as i chased it down the window seal. But even that had to come to an end, and the sun came out. Once again i was napping through the day and moping around the rest. My good friend Emily did come and see me, we said  our goodbyes since i didn't know when i'd get of of the institute and we promised to write eachother when i was gone.

 

        Finally, my release day came and my mom showed up to fill out the papers. I went home one last time to get some cloths and other personal items i would need for my new home. I pet my dog for the last time, i didn't know when, if ever i would be coming back. My dad carried my bags for me since i was still too weak, and off we went....My life was about to change more than i could ever imagine.

 

 


End file.
